I've been waiting for a guide to come
and take me by the hand
Could these sensations make me feel
the pleasures of a normal man
New sensations bear the innocence -
leave them for another day
I've got the spirit, lose the feeling
take the shock away

It's getting faster, moving faster now,
it's getting out of hand
On the tenth floor, down the backstairs
into no-man's land
Lights are flashing,
cars are crashing,
getting frequent now
I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, let it
out somehow

What means to you,
what means to me -
and we will meet again
I'm watching you, I watch it all
I take no pity from friends
Who is right and who can tell,
and who gives a damn right now
Until the spirit, new sensation
takes hold - then you know
takes hold - then you know
takes hold - then you know

I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling
I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling
I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling
Feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling

I'm so happy.
Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head.
I'm so ugly.
But that's ok.
'Cause so are you.
We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning.
Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared.
Light my candles.
In a daze cause I've found god.

I'm so lonely.
And that's ok.
I'm so happy.
I shaved my head.
And I'm not sad, and just maybe
I'm to blame for all I've heard.
And I'm not sure.
I'm so excited.
I can't wait to meet you there.
And I don't care.
I'm so horny.
But that's ok.
My will is good.

I like you. I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack.
I love you. I'm not gonna crack.
I kill you. I'm not gonna crack.

I'm so happy.
Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head.
I'm so ugly.
But that's ok.
'Cause so are you.
We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning.
Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared.
Light my candles.
In a daze cause I've found god.

so... i think i'm going to take up the list.

THE LIST
1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

yep.

also, sleep would be damned nice.
damned nice.
i'm going to start working on my website sometime soon.

[link]

it won't be anything too special, i don't think.

tagged by anathema! XD


Rules: The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 Weird Habits/Things About Yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a journal about their 6 Weird Habits/Things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1) i also want a zombie wiener dog to do my bidding. (that would be awesome anathema!)
2) i can bend the last segments of my fingers
3) i don't mind the idea of population control through zombies
4) i've been known to sleep-walk
5) on the halloween of 2004, i had 666 mp3s
6) every time i do one of these test things, i'm reminded of one of my instructors (Joe). at the beginning of the term, he always makes you tell something unique about yourself to every individual in class. it sucks when it's a big class. or if you have multiple classes with joe.

tagged:


********************

i'm finally out from finals! suhhhweeet! i'm so relieved from stress and disorder and weekly deadlines!

not only that, i've gotten out of this depression that i've been in for what seems to have been so long. after breaking up with someone you get so lost and disoriented. the only thing you try to focus on is school and the work that you do. everything else just doesn't exist anymore. all the feelings that exist, all the crap that happens doesn't matter. it all just happens on the inside.

i'm terrible about telling people this sort of thing, i just let it build up inside so that the only time it shows is when i can't hold it in anymore, then i just shut down-no emotion at all. so many people told me that i was cold and asked what was wrong, it was irritating.

the only time i had emotion was in my dreams. i hate them so much. so unspeakably awful, they were this feeling that you had no control- that all your limbs were cut off and all that was left of you was this bleeding torso. pain, suffering, not being able to do anything, even help the others you care for. for a few minutes there was this point in the morning where i woke up every week and wanted to die. it was an honest yearning for death. how could dreams effect someone that much?

'hey, i'm going to die, don't expect me anymore'

and who do you tell that to? certainly not the person you just broke up with. and especially when you're worried about her too. i couldn't even be honest with myself. everyone always says 'it'll be okay.' bullshit. sometimes it's not. sometimes life ends when you want it to. i know it's selfish, and that's the only reason i'm still living.

the sad fact of everything is that it was everything, it wasn't just breaking up that lead to that feeling. it was all the pressure that i let build up from everything else.

anyway,

oh well. i haven't had any nightmares in a while. sometimes you can get so happy without drugs or alchohol or death.

Just added a bunch of stuff to the scraps, check it out.
-robert